
Iāve just read Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I know, I know! All my writer buds are shaking their heads at me that Iām just now reading it. Ā *hangs head in shame*. But whatever, Iām a slow reader and my reading list is frickin HUGE! *High-five to all my slow readers*
This book was Jayās debut novel. It won fourteen different awards (maybe more now) and earned blurbs from some very heavy hitters in the literary world such as Sherman Alexie, author of The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian and Ellen Hopkins, author of Tricks, Identical, Crank and Collateral just to name a few. EXTREMELY IMPRESSIVE. Andā¦.itās going to be a movie!
This is an amazing book. I could not put it down. The story is told on cassette tapes- thirteen of them- by Hannah Baker who is dead. Love this premise. It is a journey through some very distraught days of her life, choices she made, choices others made. Clay Jennings, the boy who receives the tapes, does not want to take this journey and yet he must. He has no choice but to listen to the end. What he learns changes his life forever.
This is one of those books that will stay with me forever.
WARNING! SPOILER ALERT!! WARNING!Ā YOUāVE BEEN WARNED.
This book is about bullying. Bullying is not just about one person punching another person in the face. In fact, itās rarely ever that anymore. Itās about whatās said, whispered, and written.
Itās about sexual assault and rape. It used to be āno means noā. But my daughter informed me from her health class, āwithout an enthusiastic YES, itās noā. Which means unless both parties are enthusiastically saying YES, it is sexual assault or rape. Donāt ever assume you can put your hands on another person.
Itās about turning the other way, not helping when you could have. Doing nothing makes you part of the abuse. Nobullying.com reported for 2014, 64% of children who were bullied did not report it. Only 36% reported bullying and more than half of bullying situations stop when a peer intervenes on behalf of the student being bullied.
Itās about not perpetuating bad behavior. I donāt believe in the mentality of āItās a rite of passageā when such rites hurt other people. Or āIt happened to me and I survivedā. Letās stop that BS and do better.
After reading this book I started thinking about my actions as a young person. Did I have an effect on someone elseās life? Was it good or bad? In a perfect world thereād be no hate, everyone gets three cookies and a glass of milk at the end of the day, and we all hold hands singing āWe Are The Worldā and not just at Christmas time. But thatās not the world we live in. But it could be better. I could be better. We could be better. Better us, better world. *Sigh*
Not everyone likes me. *Gasps* You all better be gasping! Hereās another shocker- I donāt like everyone out there either. I never claimed to be the Blessed Mother! We donāt all have to be besties but we should try to be open minded and not wound anyone with our words or actions. I donāt always get it right. When I was younger I got it even less right, but thatās part of growing up, isnāt it?
I donāt have a time machine — actually really pissed about that– so I canāt go back to the 1980ās and right the wrongs that I may have done. Youāre probably thinking, āwell Iām sure you didnāt kill anyone, so whatās the big deal?ā And you would be right. Iām happy to report; homicide is NOT on my resume. But did I ever cause someone irrevocable damage with my words or actions like Hannah experienced? Could I have ever made a difference in someoneās life who may have been struggling? Did I partake in gossipy bullshit that could have ruined someoneās reputation? I donāt like gossip. Never have. So Iām pretty sure Iām safe on this one but for the rest, I honestly donāt know. Just for the record, if you are a person from my past, those middle school-high school years, and I wronged you in any way, Iām truly sorry.
So no time machine, but what I do have is my voice, my words. That is power.
Iām a parent of teenagers now. CRAY-CRAY. So even though I canāt go back in time, I can speak to my kids about making the right choices today. Sure, theyāll make some wrong choices anyway on their own, because we canāt control everything our kids do and weāre human, imperfect. We just need to put our best effort into not making mistakes that mangle someone elseās life.
I talk to my kids all the time. All. The. Time. They will roll their eyes and totally attest to this fact. I have one boy and one girl. They each come with their own unique ideas and personalities. And neither one of them came with a hand book. Whoever said God doesnāt have a sense of humor doesnāt have kids. Itās a challenge at times to say the least. But itās worth it. Itās necessary. If we donāt tell them not to criticize the way someone else looks, they wonāt know. Ā Nobullying.com also reported that āThe reasons for being bullied reported most often by students were looks, body shape and race.ā
Looks. Body shape. Race. Really?? Come on! We are like a box of chocolates, thank you Forrest Gump. We are different shapes, different colors and we are all fabulously de-lish!
If we donāt guide our kids on what is acceptable behavior, shame on us.
And itās not enough to just speak to our own kids. We have to reach out to other kids too. If we donāt show them love, kindness and respect how will they show it to others? I know itās clichĆ©, but still true, we lead by example.
Gossip is poison. Donāt do it. If your friends are doing it around you, stop them. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge no one.
Be kinder. Not because of what someone can do for you or what you can get from them but because itās the right thing to do.
It is my opinion that Thirteen Reasons Why should be required reading from seventh grade up. A young man in my daughters school killed himself the second day of freshman year. Bullying was a huge factor. I heard about a teacher that bullied a student in front of the whole class just yesterday. This is unacceptable! We can do better. We MUST do better.
I have not had the pleasure of hearing Jay speak in person yet but I do stalk, achem, follow him online and you can too!
www.jayasher.blogspot.com or on Twitter @jayasherguy #ReasonsWhyYouMatter #50StatesAgainstBullying.
Until next timeā¦PEACE, KINDNESS AND COOKIES FOR ALL!
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